So - do I really believe what I ended my last post with? That I simply wanted to be a "drink offering" and didn't care if I received any glory or blessing as long as the work went forward. The work of healing?
Well, God didn't take long to put that thought to the test and I FAILED.
I met someone who I had been counseling through some bad times in their life. They had been on the brink of complete destruction so it there were many nights of phone calls and meetings. I met with this person through these dark times and then I saw them the other day and it was evident that a healing had taken place. Their countenance had changed, they were testifying to God's power and it was awesome.
But I failed the test when they explained how it happened: This person went for a couple of days to another ministry and something clicked inside of them and God moved them out of the darkness and into the light. I felt a pang in my heart - I had spent countless hours and now they were giving this other ministry glory for helping them through - in one moment of light. Of course, they were thankful for the time I had been with them, but still . . . why couldn't it have been through me that this breakthrough occurred?
And so - I failed the test. The blessing of the "work" isn't the only outcome I desire, the blessing of the "worker" is still embedded in my heart. I see it clearly, I just can't overcome it. Yet.
Jesus said first remove the log from your own eye - and I am on a quest to know how. (A minor detail that He happened to leave out of the Sermon.) Sanctification is one tough process.
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