Seven - Year Blessing

On this date, seven years ago, I went through one of the most life-changing days of my existence. Ruth was pregnant with our third child at the same time my sister-in-law Jan was dying of cancer. At the time we lived with my brother Rick and Jan and their two kids, and we were very close. The plan was for us to continue to grow together as two families in one house. When Jan found out that Ruth was pregnant she told her that she really wanted to be around when the baby was born. As the due date neared, Jan's condition worsened and we knew that it was not going to be much longer - unless God intervened miraculously (under our understanding of miraculous, because the death of one of His saints is a precious, miraculous thing in His sight).

Well, on this date, seven years ago, Ruth went into labor and my beautiful, red-headed boy Joshua was born (all 11 1/2 pounds of him). I got in my car and drove home as fast as I could from the hospital to bring the news, only to find as I was pulling up that my father and other siblings were at the house. I knew something was up and I rushed in to find that Jan had just passed. "Did she know about Josh?" They could only say that they were able to whisper into her ear that he had been born.

I went over to my side of the house and just sat on the back steps and cried - the most I've ever cried in my life. Just pouring out tears. My emotions were so mixed. I had a beautiful baby boy and Jan was gone - all at the same time - literally to the minute. It was an experience that ripped me to the core of my being and at the same time brought immense healing. I don't know how to explain it in any other way. God was so real to me at that time.

So every November 20th, when I look at my son, growing strong and healthy, I think of Jan, how awesome she was, how much I miss her. But I also think of God and how He is so far beyond what we can ever imagine. He is a real God, one that loves us, that we can personally experience and know intimately. He gave us this blessing in the middle of our darkest hour.

I don't want ever to put that burden upon Josh, like he has to live up to something like that, but he is special to our family in that sense. Rick was able to come and hold him while planning the burial of his wife. I was able to see new life in a room filled with death. Our family was able to celebrate in the depth of our mourning. Only God can do that. Only God can break open our hearts and fill them with His healing and grace, and then allow us to hold onto a constant reminder of His love.

Every time I hold Josh I am reminded of that special day when God brought me into a deeper place with Him. Where emotions are raw and real and God is within the entire experience. Man - I love Him. Now I get to go home from work today and have a birthday party for my son, to tuck him into bed and pray with him in his bedroom, the same room that Jan died in. To play Legos and Foosball in the exact same spot that Jan passed into God's presence. To laugh and wrestle and read silly books and play with his turtle - turning a death spot into holy ground.

To experience what God does best: taking death, removing all of its sting, and creating new life out of it.

Do you really understand what we have in our relationship with God? As we struggle with all the 'isms' and "ologies" in our journey to understand Him, sometimes we just need to embrace what He is offering us and dwell in the richness of His being. Sometimes we have to cast all of the trivialities aside and just let Him do what He does best - creating life out of death.